ParkingNazi

After what seems like an awfully long time, JadedSnapper has just returned to his car from a job. A parking warden is there…

  

JadedSnapper: Hey I’m not five minutes over yet!

ParkingNazi: I know, I know, just getting my ticket ready

JS: Well you can unready it then cos I’m here now

ParkingNazi: Yes well, I suppose – hey, [gesturing at the cameras swinging from JS’ shoulders] you must be a photographer!

JS: Ah, a detective

ParkingNazi: What?

JS: Nothing mate

ParkingNazi: I like taking pictures you know – I probably do more than you every day. Cars mostly like

JS: Well that’s just rivetting. [moving toward car] I really must be getting on -

ParkingNazi: [standing slightly in the way, looks at watch] Actually, I’ve got a bit of a complaint -

JS: Oh?

ParkingNazi: Yeah, ‘ParkingNazi’ is a bit harsh innit?

JS: Well you are a baddy..

ParkingNazi: I’m not a baddy, I’m just following orders!

JS: Well it’s the enthusiasm you follow them with that I object to -

ParkingNazi: [looks again at watch] – As I was saying, I like pictures too see. But I like photoshop better. I can make potholes look really funky! Have you ever tried HDR?

JS: God no

ParkingNazi: You should try it. But you know what’s even better?

JS: Gouging my eyeballs out?

ParkingNazi: [again looking at watch] No, you can really cover your tracks… take your car for example…

JS: Err, yeah

ParkingNazi: Well if it were on ‘broken yellow lines’ I couldn’t theoretically ticket you

JS: No, that would be evil

ParkingNazi: But you know, I just follow orders so I’d do it anyway. And then I do a picture –  for evidence see -and bish bash bosh on photoshop and no more ‘broken yellow lines’. And I’ve got the proof and everything!!

JS: That’s nice of you

ParkingNazi: Well I’m just following orders. It’s like what you do at the football, miss the ball in the goal pic and mac it back in again

JS: [looking slightly uncomfortable] Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that

ParkingNazi: [looks at watch] But as you know, it’s far easier to solve a problem at the time than polish your turds afterwards…

JS: Well yes, that is true

ParkingNazi: [watch beeps] So a far simpler thing to do is just chat to you till you’re five minutes over! [Slaps ticket down triumphantly]

JS: Bastard

ParkingNazi: Well, I am a baddy

About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
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2 Responses to ParkingNazi

  1. JR says:

    UK parking wardens are a much maligned species who are just doing a valuable job keeping traffic flowing and congestion to a minimum. We should all be extremely grateful to the nigerian mafia for their valuable public service. Doesn’t mean their not bastards though. Give a person a uniform….

  2. After what seems like an awfully long time, JadedSnapper has just returned to his… blog. Well, hell, it’s just so good to see the grumpy old bastard back to his best!

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