“It’s out of focus”

Jaded Snapper: My darling wife, I, the third best photographer on the Evening Snooze, have created art in our garden. I photographed our dogs, just fo you!
WifeBoss: Well that’s lovely darling, I’ve been waiting for ages for you to do some pictures for me
JadedSnapper: All the more for you to appreciate the time I took to do a picture, outside of working hours for no reward beyond your pleasure
WifeBoss: Yes it was selfless of you. So let’s see them then.

Download download download. Photoshop, turd polish sharpen. Ping!

JS: They you go my darling!
WifeBoss: Erm, thanks…
JS: What do you mean, ‘erm, thanks’
WifeBoss: Well they’re lovely darling…
JS: Yes they are, so what’s the problem?
WifeBoss: They’re out of focus
JS: Excuse me they’re aren’t out of focus, I work for the –
WifeBoss: -Yes yes you’re the 3rd best Evening Snooze photographer. But they’re out of focus
JS: How?
WifeBoss: Well look at this one. Rex, is out of focus, see! His nose is fuzzy and I can’t see any of his body
JS: It’s called a shallow depth of field. It’s not out of focus look at his eyes!
WifeBoss: Well, yes, his eyes are in focus but that’s all.
JS: It’s supposed to look like that!
WifeBoss: I don’t like it. And all those wiggly lines are giving me a headache.
JS: That’s the bokeh, that’s the effect when you use a lens at a shallow depth of field
WifeBoss: It looks like a bloody magic eye and it’s going to make me sick!
JS: It’s arty!
WifeBoss: Call me old fashioned but when I see a picture of a dog I want to see the dog!!
JS: Well you could’ve said!
WifeBoss: Being married to a photographer, I tend to expect a decent picture!
JS: It is a decent picture!
WifeBoss: What? A picture of a dog where you can’t see the dog?!!
JS: Yes!
WifeBoss: Well it’s rubbish
JS: ..
WifeBoss: Jade?
JS: ..
WifeBoss: Are you sulking?
JS: .. No
WifeBoss: You are sulking. When I like your pictures I say so, but if I wanted to buy a picture of Rex, I would expect it to be in focus, this one isn’t!
JS: It is..
WifeBoss: Right, okay, it is, but you can’t see Rex..
JS: …
WifeBoss: Jade?
JS: …
WifeBoss: For god sake take some constructive criticism for a change
JS: .. I’m getting an ice cream ..

About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
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4 Responses to “It’s out of focus”

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention “It’s out of focus” | Jadedsnapper's Blog -- Topsy.com

  2. f2point4 says:

    You crack me up!
    Reading your blogpost inspired me to take lots of arty pictures on a wonderful lovely sunny Saturday. 🙂

  3. sinisterpictures says:

    “Photoshop, turd polish sharpen. Ping!”

    He He He, made I chuckle did that!

  4. Sime says:

    ahhhh… love it!! It was like reading about ME…

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