PoshPaperReporter

JadedSnapper’s managed to get a freelance job with PoshPaper, only he’s 15 minutes late

JadedSnapper: Hi, I’m looking for PoshPaperReporter

PoshPaperReporter: Ergh, I assume by that vulgar term you mean me I suppose

JS: If you write for the PoshPaper..

PoshPaperReporter: Where’s TalentedSnapper

JS: He’s doing GlamourousJob so I’ve been called in..

PoshPaperReporter: Why have we got you to do my piece?

JS: Well, I am the third best photographer on the EveningSnooze so I’m sure I’ll cope with a CelebrityPortrait of BigBrotherWinner

PoshPaperReporter: Well can you do the pictures first, and quickly..

JS: I’ve only just got here! I need to take in the ambience, scout my backgrounds and decide how to light my CelebrityPortrait –

PoshPaperReporter: Well I’m clearly more important

JS: Clearly

PoshPaperReporter: And stop calling me that..

JS: What?

PoshPaperReporter: ‘Reporter’, I’m a writer!

JS: Erm, if it makes you happy

PoshPaper’Writer’: [mutters] …snappers…

JS: What’s the difference? Is it that little machine?

PoshPaper’Writer’: If by ‘little machine’ you mean my state of the art digital voice recorder, then no, it’s much more sophisticated and nuanced than that. I wouldn’t expect you to grasp it..

JS: Oh… Do you use that because you don’t know Shorthand?

PoshPaper’Writer’: What? Of course not!

JS: But you don’t, do you?

PoshPaper’Writer’: I use my ‘little machine’ as you quaintly call it so I can delve deeper into the soul of BigBrotherWinner instead of having to take notes

JS: So it’s nothing to do with the fact it’ll take you half the afternoon to transcribe the thing afterwards?

PoshPaper’Writer’: Not that I expect you to understand, but that is part of the creative process..

JS: What poncing about with ladedaah lattes and spending the whole day writing about what BigBrotherWinner did on his holidays?

PoshPaper’Writer’: How did you know I was going to ask that?!

JS: Lucky guess I suppose…

PoshPaper’Writer’: Well here he is – quick do your picture – and don’t show him your back! He is a Celebrity after all –

BigBrotherWinner: Alreet Jade how are ya? I haven’t seen you since that BigSupermarket job

JS: Fine thanks, look I’ve got to take your CelebrityPortrait dead quick

BigBrotherWinner: No problem big fella

click click click

PoshPaper’Writer’: Right now go wait in the car! [To BigBrotherWinner] Ooh! How does it feel to finally meet me?

BigBrotherWinner: Err… nice I suppose

PoshPaper’Writer’: What are you still doing here?

JS: So, I have to wait in the car while you do the interview, can’t I do something worth while, like a PotHole picture?

PoshPaper’Writer’: No! You’re supposed to wait in the car and ferry me back to PoshPaper…that’s how it works

JS: Lucky I’ve got that chaffeur hat in the back…

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About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
This entry was posted in PoshPaperReporter, BigBrotherWinner and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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