ConcernedResident: Oh thank God you’re here! I’ve been up all night with this thing. Sick with worry I am! What are they going to do next?!
JadedSnapper: Erm what’s the problem?
ConcernedResident: IT’S THIS! [angrily gesturing towards the table]
A stuffed goat sits apologetically on the coffee table. It bears a soft heart shaped button on its chest, with the words ‘push me’ inscribed. It is staring up hopefully at JadedSnapper.
JS: Well it’s just child’s toy? What possible harm could it do?
ConcernedResident: Harm! HARM!? Press that bloody button!!
JS: [presses button]
ConcernedResident: So? So! It’s saying –
ConcernedResident: Look! See! It did it again. It’s driving me round the bend and it’s supposed to be a present for my grandson.
JS: Well I’m sure he’d like a farting goat
ConcernedResident: He’s only four years old. I can’t have him running round shouting ‘fart’! People will think he’s not been brought up proper!
ConcernedResident: That bloody goat!
JS: To be honest, I can’t think of a four year old that doesn’t do that…
ConcernedResident: Do you think this is funny? It’s not… I mean, what’s next? –
ConcernedResident: – [conspiratorially] that’s how it starts, see
JS: [slightly confused] Err, how what starts…?
ConcernedResident: Drugs, muggings all those things.
JS: With a
ConcernedResident: Yes, it’s about boundaries. If JuniorResident thinks he can run around saying that kind of filth, then before you know it he’ll be on the glue!
JS: Oh..I see.. this is quite serious then…
ConcernedResident: There’s no quite about it! What are you going to do about it?!
JS: Err, not buy JuniorResident any glue???
ConcernedResident: No, I mean yes, but you’re here to take my picture.
JS: Oh yes, when faced with an issue of such proportions I sometimes forget why I’m here
ConcernedResident: Right, I’m going to –
ConcernedResident: [screaming] Ah! I hate it!!! I’m going to stand behind it. I think I should point…
JS: What? Point?
ConcernedResident: Yeah, it’s that serious!
JS: But I only reserve ‘the point’ for the big ones
ConcernedResident: It’s that big! It’s a big-
ConcernedResident: [pointing, with angry face] Right take my picture!
JS: You’re really angry about this one
ConcernedResident: Too right I am, BigSupermarket aren’t getting away with this anymore. I’m taking a stand…It’s about rights mate
click click click
JS: Just one thing…
JS: No not you!
ConcernedResident: Just one thing what?
JS: Is this really the most important thing going on in your life? Have you not any other problems?
ConcernedResident: Ahh! You’re a good journalist JS, I’ve got another story I want to show you… It’s the council see..
ConcernedResident: They only take me bins out once a fortnight
JS: I’ll get EditorBoss to hold the front page for that one…