JadedSnapper has been sent to SmallVillage’s village green which is going to host a village fete and motorcyclist’s BikerBash next week.
JadedSnapper: Oh shit, what are you doing here?
ConcernedResident: Well after all the kerfuffle with the council I decided to move. They were a disgrace! I’ve come to SmallVillage for some peace and quiet
JS: There’s a certain irony in that. So, why oh why am I photographing you here, in this pleasant and peaceful village?
ConcernedResident: Well no sooner have I arrived here to find the place is in a complete mess. I mean what they are planning here is just not right. It’s blooming wrong!!
JS: Yes I’ve often thought we need to clamp down on village fetes.
ConcernedResident: I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength
JS: Are you american?
ConcernedResident: What? –
JS: – Nothing
ConcernedResident: – Right this lot, this local church are planning a local fete –
JS: I know, who do they think they are?
ConcernedResident: Exactly! And it’s worse than that –
JS: – how?
ConcernedResident: They’re inviting Limbo’s Angels! –
JS: – No!
ConcernedResident: – Yes! –
JS: – No!
ConcernedResident: Yes! –
ConcernedResident: – Look are you taking the piss?
JS: Of course not, I have the upmost respect for your campaigns especially when they are brought against one of the biggest threats to SmallVillage, the local church…
ConcernedResident: Yes well they’re clearly a menace, I mean inviting bikers to the village..
JS: So what are you going to do about it, need I ask?
ConcernedResident: I’m getting them ‘cos of ‘elf
JS: What? They’re bringing mythical creatures?!
ConcernedResident: What? No, ‘elf and safety!
JS: How does this affect ‘elf and safety?
ConcernedResident: These Limbo’s Angels are bringing…
ConcernedResident: [gives a grave look] They’re bringing fairy cakes. And they’re going to feed them to the kiddies!!
JS: Oh. My. God.
ConcernedResident: I know, someone had to stand up to them!
JS: Is that it?
ConcernedResident: No, the village green might get a bit muddy
JS: Well we couldn’t have people use a public open space could we?
ConcernedResident: It needs banning!
JS: Erm, okay. So where’s your petition?
ConcernedResident: I don’t need a petition. This is about rights!
JS: I was waiting for that
ConcernedResident: I’m standing up for the village’s ‘elf –
JS: And safety?
ConcernedResident: Exactly! Bikers are wrong! It’s political correctness gone mad! Ban them! As head of the SmallVillage Residents’ Committee it falls to me to stand up for village rights.
JS: So where are your angry supporters in the background?
ConcernedResident: Oh there’s only me on it.