The PhotoYoda

JadedSnapper is asking his old tutor for some advice

JadedSnapper: PhotoYoda, How can I become a better photographer, like TalentedPhotographer?

PhotoYoda:

JS: Erm?

PhotoYoda: Fruitbats!

JS: What?

PhotoYoda: Fruitbats [nods to himself]

JS: So, you’re saying I should do some nature photography?

PhotoYoda: [furrows brow and says to himself]… Fruitbats

JS: No? You see I’m jealous of TalentedPhotographer, he just seems so much more successful than me, the third best photographer on the EveningSnooze. I just look at his pictures and every time, I just think, why can’t I do a picture like that?

PhotoYoda: 1-0!

JS: Right… 1-0?

PhotoYoda: 1-0 [says emphatically]

JS: I mean I spend all the hours doing this job but don’t seem to be getting anywhere, whereas he’s getting all the gongs, the fame…

PhotoYoda: Yes but how much of that is actually working?

JS: You speak?

PhotoYoda: If only to bamboozle you further…

JS: Oh, what do you mean by that?

PhotoYoda: How much of your working is actually working?

JS: Well, I spend plenty of time working, on school fetes, the occasional celebrity, some crime stuff…

PhotoYoda: [shakes head] 1-0!

JS: Back to phrases is it?

PhotoYoda: [points to head] 1-0! You’re not listening!

JS: [getting frustrated] You know, you never actually taught me anything!

PhotoYoda: You plonkersaurus! I never taught him anything either

JS: Well yes…

PhotoYoda: Have you got a business card?

JS: It’s at the printers

PhotoYoda: Do you enter awards?

JS: Oh, I didn’t have the time

PhotoYoda: Do you take a picture for yourself at each job? You know, a good one that stretches you a bit?

JS: Well I don’t really see the point

PhotoYoda: So you work at a paper that pumps out several thousand copies a day, has an internet presence, is syndicated, is a massive platform for your work and you ‘don’t see the point’? And you don’t even have a business card?

JS: Erm, yes

PhotoYoda: And what happened at BigCrimeScene?

JS: Well I went home after I’d done my time

PhotoYoda: And what did the rapscallian TalentedPhotographer do?

JS: Erm, stay all the hours and got the InternationallyFamousPicture..

PhotoYoda: 1-0! That’s the 1-0 my little possum!

JS: I don’t even know what a possum is!

PhotoYoda: It’s the 1-0!

JS: What? I thought it was a marsupial..

PhotoYoda: No no no my little fruitbat! The 1-0 is in your mind, not in your pictures!

JS: In my mind?

PhotoYoda: Do you like taking pictures?

JS: Erm, yes, I suppose

PhotoYoda: Then why all the excuses! I want pictures not excuses!

JS: Yeah but the EveningSnooze doesn’t want good pictures..

PhotoYoda: But you’ve just said you don’t take good pictures! You don’t even bother any more!

JS: So what do you suggest?

PhotoYoda: Fruitbats my dear boy, fruitbats

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About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
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7 Responses to The PhotoYoda

  1. jadedsnapper says:

    And as if by magic, WebGuru has made a comment:

    Hey why don’t you do my web based press photography course? I’ve never worked as a photographer so that’s why I’m qualified to train you. Basically it’s just like BigPhotoSharingSite except you pay me to put ‘nice capture’ underneath your picture! And what? You don’t have a camera? Well have I got news for you! On my course a ‘good’ camera phone is all you need to enrol, and you’ll get a certificate that I’ve specially printed out with a big fat MickeyMouse sticker on it.

  2. beaulurks says:

    It’s where I’ve been going wrong, curse you PhotoVader (shakes fist)

  3. Mark says:

    My “favourite” piece of advice at the moment is “It’s not about your camera/kit/gear, it’s about your passion/vision/philosophy…..” – normally dispensed by a WebGuru who shoots with a D3s that he got for free. Annoys the life out of me.

  4. Pingback: Tweets that mention The PhotoYoda | Jadedsnapper's Blog -- Topsy.com

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