Sneaking into SnoozeCity

JadedSnapper has been banned from SnoozeCityFC but is determined to get in. He is at the photographers’ entrance. ClubSteward is there waiting. JS is walking rather awkwardly.

JadedSnapper: Erm, hi! I’m the…cartoonist!

ClubSteward: Hey, don’t I recognise you?

JS: [strokes his GrouchoMarx moustache and nose set] Who, me, nope, don’t think so..I’m just a cartoonist, never been here before…

ClubSteward: So why are you at the photographers’ entrance? Photographers are banned!

JS: Oh! Shit, err, just accident I think…

ClubSteward: [points to JS’ belly] And what’s that massive bulge?

JS: Erm, well… [puts on a high voice] I’m pregnant!

ClubSteward: So that’s not a 400mm lens, two camera bodies, a laptop, and a stool?

JS: No, I’m eight months pregnant!

ClubSteward: What’s with the tash?

JS: [scolding] I’m very sensitive about it!

ClubSteward: Oh, Sorry about that…ma’am. That’s okay then, in you go…

Suddenly a shout from behind JS

ClubPhotographer: Stop that man!

ClubSteward: Err, she’s not a man, and she’s very sensitive ’bout that bushy tash!

JS: Hey! I mean, hey!

ClubPhotographer: [with a theatrical sweep, removes the GrouchoMarx mask, shocked gasps appear from seemingly nowhere] You see!

ClubSteward: Hey! That doesn’t mean she’s not pregnant!

ClubPhotographer: [unzips JS’ coat. A flight case, a laptop bag, a backpack and a stool crash to the floor] You see! A photographer

ClubSteward: A-ha! Now I recognise you! You’re from the EveningSnooze!

JS: I think I’ve been rumbled!

ClubPhotographer: Too right you have! You’re not allowed in. Only I am. The EveningSnooze have to buy my pictures.

JS: But you’re not a professional photographer…

ClubPhotographer: I am on Saturdays!

JS: I stand corrected. So that must mean you get paid?

ClubPhotographer: Seeing the glorious SnoozeCity is payment enough!

JS: So, you don’t get paid as such?

ClubPhotographer: [defiantly] I get an advent calendar at Christmas, an egg at Easter and a mug on my birthday

JS: Well in that case I do apologise for disputing your status. You don’t appear to be carrying much kit though?

ClubPhotographer: I obviously don’t have the huge lenses you ‘professionals‘ have. So I use this one it’s all I need, [proudly unveils lens]

JS: But that’s a JamJar –

ClubPhotographer: – Well I’ve cleaned it out!

JS: Fair enough. So given that the club are selling you’re pictures that you’ve taken on your kit in you’re own time I can only assume that you’re getting a cut of their profits

ClubPhotographer: You ‘professionals’ are all about the money

JS: Fancy that

About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
This entry was posted in ClubPhotographer, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Sneaking into SnoozeCity

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Sneaking into SnoozeCity | Jadedsnapper's Blog --

  2. Utterly brilliant. Same happened to me only last decade. Nothing changes. Can I have my Groucho disguise back now please? Sans snot in the nose part please.

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