JadedSnapper has been banned from SnoozeCityFC but is determined to get in. He is at the photographers’ entrance. ClubSteward is there waiting. JS is walking rather awkwardly.
JadedSnapper: Erm, hi! I’m the…cartoonist!
ClubSteward: Hey, don’t I recognise you?
JS: [strokes his GrouchoMarx moustache and nose set] Who, me, nope, don’t think so..I’m just a cartoonist, never been here before…
ClubSteward: So why are you at the photographers’ entrance? Photographers are banned!
JS: Oh! Shit, err, just accident I think…
ClubSteward: [points to JS’ belly] And what’s that massive bulge?
JS: Erm, well… [puts on a high voice] I’m pregnant!
ClubSteward: So that’s not a 400mm lens, two camera bodies, a laptop, and a stool?
JS: No, I’m eight months pregnant!
ClubSteward: What’s with the tash?
JS: [scolding] I’m very sensitive about it!
ClubSteward: Oh, Sorry about that…ma’am. That’s okay then, in you go…
Suddenly a shout from behind JS
ClubPhotographer: Stop that man!
ClubSteward: Err, she’s not a man, and she’s very sensitive ’bout that bushy tash!
JS: Hey! I mean, hey!
ClubPhotographer: [with a theatrical sweep, removes the GrouchoMarx mask, shocked gasps appear from seemingly nowhere] You see!
ClubSteward: Hey! That doesn’t mean she’s not pregnant!
ClubPhotographer: [unzips JS’ coat. A flight case, a laptop bag, a backpack and a stool crash to the floor] You see! A photographer
ClubSteward: A-ha! Now I recognise you! You’re from the EveningSnooze!
JS: I think I’ve been rumbled!
ClubPhotographer: Too right you have! You’re not allowed in. Only I am. The EveningSnooze have to buy my pictures.
JS: But you’re not a professional photographer…
ClubPhotographer: I am on Saturdays!
JS: I stand corrected. So that must mean you get paid?
ClubPhotographer: Seeing the glorious SnoozeCity is payment enough!
JS: So, you don’t get paid as such?
ClubPhotographer: [defiantly] I get an advent calendar at Christmas, an egg at Easter and a mug on my birthday
JS: Well in that case I do apologise for disputing your status. You don’t appear to be carrying much kit though?
ClubPhotographer: I obviously don’t have the huge lenses you ‘professionals‘ have. So I use this one it’s all I need, [proudly unveils lens]
JS: But that’s a JamJar –
ClubPhotographer: – Well I’ve cleaned it out!
JS: Fair enough. So given that the club are selling you’re pictures that you’ve taken on your kit in you’re own time I can only assume that you’re getting a cut of their profits
ClubPhotographer: You ‘professionals’ are all about the money
JS: Fancy that