JadedSnapper is at a children’s charity event. He has just finished taking pictures for the job.
JS: Right so if there’s nothing else..
CharityWorker: That was really great, the children have been really uplifted by your presence
JS: I haven’t given them any presents..
CharityWorker: No, no, by being here, you’ve really helped their self esteem – [talking to child next to her] Hasn’t it LittleOne?
LittleOne: Yeah, I like playing on the slide
JS: – Err, right, well I’m not sure that’s the case. I’ll be off then…
CharityWorker: Would you like a tea, coffee?
JS: No, no, I’ll just go now…
CharityWorker: Is there any way we could get the spare pictures?
JS: Err, spare pictures?
CharityWorker: You know, the ones you don’t use
JS: Well they’re the ones with the kids’ eyes closed…
CharityWorker: Yeah, but, could you send us the pictures anyway
JS: Well it’s against my contract to do that, you have to ask PictureBoss
CharityWorker: You see, we’re a small charity and we don’t have many pictures so it’d be really great..
JS: [walking towards door] If you talk to PictureBoss I’m sure you can come to some kind of arrangement
CharityWorker: [in front of door] Did you fancy doing a little photo-project?
JS: On your play equipment?
CharityWorker: Well, you know, on our charity generally, kids, some corporate head shots all sorts really
JS: That doesn’t sound like a profound black and white photo essay where I plumb the depths of human existence through the medium of photography
CharityWorker: No we wouldn’t want that. It’s more for our website. Maybe this Sunday?
JS: On my only day off this week?
CharityWorker: Think of LittleOne
JS: What about LittleOne?
CharityWorker: [rubs something in LittleOne’s eyes]
LittleOne: Waa! Waa! Waaaaaaa!
CharityWorker: Look at her, she’s crying! Only by you doing free pictures for us will she ever be happy again.
JS: What did you just do?
CharityWorker: [hides salt cellar] Nothing at all
JS: Right well I can’t really do a whole day of free pictures on my only day off. It kind of undercuts everyone else and devalues photography generally
LittleOne: Waa! Waa! Why…did..you.. do…that?
CharityWorker: [whispers] Ssshh Little One! We’re a small charity, we can’t pay for pictures, but it’d really help our promotion.
JS: Why don’t you get a student?
CharityWorker: No, we need you to do the pictures
CharityWorker: Because you’re soft – I mean – because we need good pictures – it helps with funding applications
JS: Oh right
CharityWorker: Yeah but not too good, otherwise the funding boards think we’re throwing money around
JS: Well we couldn’t have that. So, you want a professional photographer – for free – but one who isn’t that good in case it makes your charity look bigger than it is.
CharityWorker: Yeah we thought you’d be perfect!
JS: Oh thanks