CharityCase

JadedSnapper is at a children’s charity event. He has just finished taking pictures for the job.

JS: Right so if there’s nothing else..

CharityWorker: That was really great, the children have been really uplifted by your presence

JS: I haven’t given them any presents..

CharityWorker: No, no, by being here, you’ve really helped their self esteem – [talking to child next to her] Hasn’t it LittleOne?

LittleOne: Yeah, I like playing on the slide

JS: – Err, right, well I’m not sure that’s the case. I’ll be off then…

CharityWorker: Would you like a tea, coffee?

JS: No, no, I’ll just go now…

CharityWorker: Is there any way we could get the spare pictures?

JS: Err, spare pictures?

CharityWorker: You know, the ones you don’t use

JS: Well they’re the ones with the kids’ eyes closed…

CharityWorker: Yeah, but, could you send us the pictures anyway

JS: Well it’s against my contract to do that, you have to ask PictureBoss

CharityWorker: You see, we’re a small charity and we don’t have many pictures so it’d be really great..

JS: [walking towards door] If you talk to PictureBoss I’m sure you can come to some kind of arrangement

CharityWorker: [in front of door] Did you fancy doing a little photo-project?

JS: On your play equipment?

CharityWorker: Well, you know, on our charity generally, kids, some corporate head shots all sorts really

JS: That doesn’t sound like a profound black and white photo essay where I plumb the depths of human existence through the medium of photography

CharityWorker: No we wouldn’t want that. It’s more for our website. Maybe this Sunday?

JS: On my only day off this week?

CharityWorker: Think of LittleOne

JS: What about LittleOne?

CharityWorker: [rubs something in LittleOne’s eyes]

LittleOne: Waa! Waa! Waaaaaaa!

CharityWorker: Look at her, she’s crying! Only by you doing free pictures for us will she ever be happy again.

JS: What did you just do?

CharityWorker: [hides salt cellar] Nothing at all

JS: Right well I can’t really do a whole day of free pictures on my only day off. It kind of undercuts everyone else and devalues photography generally

LittleOne: Waa! Waa! Why…did..you.. do…that?

CharityWorker: [whispers] Ssshh Little One! We’re a small charity, we can’t pay for pictures, but it’d really help our promotion.

JS: Why don’t you get a student?

CharityWorker: No, we need you to do the pictures

JS: Why?

CharityWorker: Because you’re soft – I mean – because we need good pictures – it helps with funding applications

JS: Oh right

CharityWorker: Yeah but not too good, otherwise the funding boards think we’re throwing money around

JS: Well we couldn’t have that. So, you want a professional photographer – for free – but one who isn’t that good in case it makes your charity look bigger than it is.

CharityWorker: Yeah we thought you’d be perfect!

JS: Oh thanks