JadedSnapper is in the slightly unrealistic scenerio of a one-on-one with PopeBoss during the Birmingham leg of his tour of Britain. PopeBoss is carrying a small book.
PopeBoss: [leafing through his book] Awroighte bab, how yaoiw doin’?
JadedSnapper: Err, what?
PopeBoss: [confused, turns some more pages, slightly stressed expression] How bin ya?
JS: [doesn’t understand, so humours] Yes, lovely. So we don’t have much time, could you hold the bible nice and close to your chest?
PopeBoss: Worritiz, right, is not a Boible
JS: Ok, what is it then?
PopeBoss: It’s for me holidays [turns cover to JS]
JS: “Deutsch-Brummie phrasebook” Nice to see you embracing the local culture
PopeBoss: Yeah, well Oi thought it was gonna be bostin’ but my tour’s going rubbish
JS: Mate, I can’t understand you. Put the book down
PopeBoss: But you’re from the local paper!?
JS: Precisely. And I can’t be bothered with all the googling’
JS: Never mind. So your tour’s not going well?
PopeBoss: Yeah, not compared to His. Thousands more went to see Him. And what happens to me?
PopeBoss: I can’t even headline my own gig. I was the support act for SuBo!
JS: Well she is internationally famous. And that voice!
PopeBoss: She’s got a face like bosted arse, that’s what she’s got. They wouldn’t do that to Him
JS: You haven’t exactly had the greatest PR. What with your advisor saying those vaguely racist things…
PopeBoss: Worritwoz, right, basically he heard we’d be driving through the Black Country and he got all confused
PopeBoss: So I thought if I learnt a bit of Brummie I could save this from being a disaster. I can’t even sell out. There’s supposed to be a billion of us lot!
JS: Well it is the credit crunch…
PopeBoss: Never mind that bollocks, He always sells out his tours. And world leaders listen more to Him. In fact no one ever shouts ‘Paedo protector’ to Him. Completely stolen my monopoly on righteousness.
JS: Well Pope John-Paul was a bit of superstar. Kissed the ground and everything.
PopeBoss: Oh God, no not him! He’s old news mate!
JS: Right, so who’s got you all jealous then?
PopeBoss: That bloody Bono