CouncillorOppose

JadedSnapper is on a job with CouncillorOppose. He looks angry. And indignant. There are a few booze bottles arranged at his feet. It’s early morning


JadedSnapper: So what’s happening in this quiet suburban street?

CouncillorOppose: These bottles of booze have been drunk by the scourge of our pleasant neighbourhood!

JS: Not CharityMuggers?!

CouncillorOppose: No… worse than that… students!

JS: Oh, yes, I saw your quote

CouncillorOppose: “1000s of drunken, barbarous, students marauding the good streets of SnoozeCity fills me with dread!” – that’ll get me a little votey. [to self] Votey voteys, lovely little voteys!!

JS: [a little confused] Err, yes… I didn’t think that FormerPoly had a reputation for drunken barbarousness…

CouncillorOppose: Never mind that! Look at all this delicious booze they’ve left behind. It’s even in a pretty semi-circle. Perfect for the documentary photographer

JS: Well it’s lucky I don’t believe in setting up these decisive moments. They’ve chosen an odd array of drinks for students. I mean CheapCider?

CouncillorOppose: They’re FormerPoly students, their parents can’t afford PoshCider. I thought it’d be more appropriate. And they’ve drunk a whole bottle of DirtyWhiskey! Lovely DirtyWhiskey

JS: Right…so I don’t see any street-based chaos. Not even any sick on the floor

CouncillorOppose: [shifting on his feet] I’ll get round to that in a minute. Look I really think we should get on with this.

JS: You do seem to be struggling

CouncillorOppose: Yes so, I’ll just sit on the floor. It’ll be easier for me

JS: So given that there’s no visible carnage, I can only assume that nothing actually happened…

CouncillorOppose: Never let the facts get in the way of a good story my man

JS: What about a shit one?

CouncillorOppose: Then it’s even more perty…perty-nent.

JS: I’d hate to libel the good students of FormerPoly…

CouncillorOppose: [leaning on one hand and loosens tie] Look I’ve been up all night getting through these little babies – I’m starting to flag a little.

JS: Okay, but what about besmirching the students?

CouncillorOppose: [pointing with finger] My…voterers

JS: Constituents?

CouncillorOppose: [in a correcting tone, wagging finger] My…voterers are in fear of these marauding students. I have to be seen to be actoring about it.

JS: And mythical problems are so much easier to solve than real ones…

CouncillorOppose: Look, I’ll just point at these little bottle-ies and you take the picture.

JS: Maybe do an enraged open palm instead. It would look like you’re reaching out to your constituents

CouncillorOppose: [wagging finger] Voterers!

JS: Yes that’s right.

CouncillorOppose: Okey, okey-dokey. Should I hold the DirtyWhiskey as well? I mean I’ll have to balance on my behind, but I’ll do my best

JS: You surely mean sit?

CouncillorOppose: At this stage of the night it’s definitely balance. Look I’m holding this boozey and reaching out to the rest

JS: I think that’ll illustrate you perfectly. Click

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About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
This entry was posted in CouncillorOppose, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to CouncillorOppose

  1. md says:

    Dear Jadedsnapper, councillor oppose may have been exaggerating for the purposes of his photo shoot but if you are suggesting -“mythical problems” – that drunks (students and others) are not a serious nuisance to a lot of people then I think you are greatly mistaken. What sort of people? People who have got demanding jobs and just want to get a decent night’s sleeep but can’t because the drunks wake them up by shouting and talking on the phone at 3am. People who don’t particularly enjoy walking past piles of puke, broken glass and litter everyday – which of course the taxpayers have to pay to get cleaned up. If councillor oppose is trying to highlight the problem – good for him.

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