JadedSnapper is on a job with CouncillorOppose. He looks angry. And indignant. There are a few booze bottles arranged at his feet. It’s early morning
JadedSnapper: So what’s happening in this quiet suburban street?
CouncillorOppose: These bottles of booze have been drunk by the scourge of our pleasant neighbourhood!
JS: Not CharityMuggers?!
CouncillorOppose: No… worse than that… students!
JS: Oh, yes, I saw your quote
CouncillorOppose: “1000s of drunken, barbarous, students marauding the good streets of SnoozeCity fills me with dread!” – that’ll get me a little votey. [to self] Votey voteys, lovely little voteys!!
JS: [a little confused] Err, yes… I didn’t think that FormerPoly had a reputation for drunken barbarousness…
CouncillorOppose: Never mind that! Look at all this delicious booze they’ve left behind. It’s even in a pretty semi-circle. Perfect for the documentary photographer
JS: Well it’s lucky I don’t believe in setting up these decisive moments. They’ve chosen an odd array of drinks for students. I mean CheapCider?
CouncillorOppose: They’re FormerPoly students, their parents can’t afford PoshCider. I thought it’d be more appropriate. And they’ve drunk a whole bottle of DirtyWhiskey! Lovely DirtyWhiskey
JS: Right…so I don’t see any street-based chaos. Not even any sick on the floor
CouncillorOppose: [shifting on his feet] I’ll get round to that in a minute. Look I really think we should get on with this.
JS: You do seem to be struggling
CouncillorOppose: Yes so, I’ll just sit on the floor. It’ll be easier for me
JS: So given that there’s no visible carnage, I can only assume that nothing actually happened…
CouncillorOppose: Never let the facts get in the way of a good story my man
JS: What about a shit one?
CouncillorOppose: Then it’s even more perty…perty-nent.
JS: I’d hate to libel the good students of FormerPoly…
CouncillorOppose: [leaning on one hand and loosens tie] Look I’ve been up all night getting through these little babies – I’m starting to flag a little.
JS: Okay, but what about besmirching the students?
CouncillorOppose: [pointing with finger] My…voterers
CouncillorOppose: [in a correcting tone, wagging finger] My…voterers are in fear of these marauding students. I have to be seen to be actoring about it.
JS: And mythical problems are so much easier to solve than real ones…
CouncillorOppose: Look, I’ll just point at these little bottle-ies and you take the picture.
JS: Maybe do an enraged open palm instead. It would look like you’re reaching out to your constituents
CouncillorOppose: [wagging finger] Voterers!
JS: Yes that’s right.
CouncillorOppose: Okey, okey-dokey. Should I hold the DirtyWhiskey as well? I mean I’ll have to balance on my behind, but I’ll do my best
JS: You surely mean sit?
CouncillorOppose: At this stage of the night it’s definitely balance. Look I’m holding this boozey and reaching out to the rest
JS: I think that’ll illustrate you perfectly. Click