JadedSnapper has returned to work after being ill

PictureBoss: Hi Jaded, I’ve got a little query..

JadedSnapper: Oh, right, what about?

PictureBoss: Well I’ve just been reading over your sick note…you’ve put down a pretty strange ‘reason for illness’ [shows sick note to JS]

JS: [looking at form, slightly quizzically] ‘Alienation’. What’s wrong with that?

PictureBoss: It’s not really an illness as such…

JS: Oh yes it is.

PictureBoss: Oh no it isn’t!

JS: Oh yes it is!

PictureBoss: Look it’s not quite the season for that behaviour

JS: Fair play

PictureBoss: So why were you off?

JS: Well look, do you remember ‘The GoodPicture’?

PictureBoss: Ah, yes, ‘The GoodPicture’. What a day!

JS: What happened to that picture?

PictureBoss: It went around the world. Appeared in PoshPaper, YankPaper, InternationalTrendyMagazine and BitchyFashionBlog. You were famous! You see the opportunities we give to you Jaded!

JS: Except I didn’t exactly get bylined did I?

PictureBoss: Well it was a typo I suppose…

JS: Yeah you don’t spell my name ‘LocalAgency’ do you?

PictureBoss: No, but we have a deal with them, they lift our content, claim all the credit and half the profits go back our way

JS: Well, you see, that’s the source of my illness

PictureBoss: [confused] Oh, right…

JS: ‘The GoodPicture’ went around the world, made it into all of those newspapers and magazines and what do I get?

PictureBoss: A warm fuzzy feeling inside?

JS: Precisely fuck all I believe

PictureBoss: Look, Jaded, no one goes into the media to make money as such. It’s for the glory, the thrill of the chase, the news, Jaded, it’s all about the news!

JS: It’s quite hard to chase a dog shit. Look, MDBoss gets a huge whack, and bonuses for his ‘performance’ –

PictureBoss: – Yep, not down that much this year

JS: I know, it’s fantastic. I was just wondering when us snappers would get a performance related bonus. The EveningSnooze must have made a mint on that –

PictureBoss: – Yeah you’re normally a dead loss. ‘The GoodPicture’ put us into profit that week. You didn’t cost us a penny!

JS: – Yeah, so, you made a mint on that and I get paid nowt, and will forever be paid nowt. Where does that cash go? Can’t it go on a bonus for the editorial department?

PictureBoss: Yes but as your contract states –

JS: – Yes I know, ‘We own your soul’ –

PictureBoss: – Look, I’ll come clean. The money all gets invested into a pension fund…

JS: Oh, well, that’s good. Although I don’t have a pension

PictureBoss: No Jaded, not your pension fund

JS: Well whose then?

PictureBoss: MDBoss’ of course!

About jadedsnapper

Reinforcing the stereotype that local press photographers are more miserable than the people they photograph
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5 Responses to SickNote

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention SickNote | Jadedsnapper's Blog --

  2. anotherjadedsnapper says:

    Oh yes, been there… You gotta love the way local paper publishers have cottoned on to the value of some of the pics taken by their lowly paid snappers, but give them nowt back, while directors like their nice cars and bonuses…
    Me… well I’m just not so keen now on getting ‘the’ pic, knowing that I’m just earning money for an agency and a ungrateful publisher. You can’t flog a cheq pres!!

  3. Jules says:

    Ooh, more bitter than usual this one 🙂

  4. sinisterpictures says:

    not just snappers in that boat either 😦

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