SickNote

JadedSnapper has returned to work after being ill

PictureBoss: Hi Jaded, I’ve got a little query..

JadedSnapper: Oh, right, what about?

PictureBoss: Well I’ve just been reading over your sick note…you’ve put down a pretty strange ‘reason for illness’ [shows sick note to JS]

JS: [looking at form, slightly quizzically] ‘Alienation’. What’s wrong with that?

PictureBoss: It’s not really an illness as such…

JS: Oh yes it is.

PictureBoss: Oh no it isn’t!

JS: Oh yes it is!

PictureBoss: Look it’s not quite the season for that behaviour

JS: Fair play

PictureBoss: So why were you off?

JS: Well look, do you remember ‘The GoodPicture’?

PictureBoss: Ah, yes, ‘The GoodPicture’. What a day!

JS: What happened to that picture?

PictureBoss: It went around the world. Appeared in PoshPaper, YankPaper, InternationalTrendyMagazine and BitchyFashionBlog. You were famous! You see the opportunities we give to you Jaded!

JS: Except I didn’t exactly get bylined did I?

PictureBoss: Well it was a typo I suppose…

JS: Yeah you don’t spell my name ‘LocalAgency’ do you?

PictureBoss: No, but we have a deal with them, they lift our content, claim all the credit and half the profits go back our way

JS: Well, you see, that’s the source of my illness

PictureBoss: [confused] Oh, right…

JS: ‘The GoodPicture’ went around the world, made it into all of those newspapers and magazines and what do I get?

PictureBoss: A warm fuzzy feeling inside?

JS: Precisely fuck all I believe

PictureBoss: Look, Jaded, no one goes into the media to make money as such. It’s for the glory, the thrill of the chase, the news, Jaded, it’s all about the news!

JS: It’s quite hard to chase a dog shit. Look, MDBoss gets a huge whack, and bonuses for his ‘performance’ –

PictureBoss: – Yep, not down that much this year

JS: I know, it’s fantastic. I was just wondering when us snappers would get a performance related bonus. The EveningSnooze must have made a mint on that –

PictureBoss: – Yeah you’re normally a dead loss. ‘The GoodPicture’ put us into profit that week. You didn’t cost us a penny!

JS: – Yeah, so, you made a mint on that and I get paid nowt, and will forever be paid nowt. Where does that cash go? Can’t it go on a bonus for the editorial department?

PictureBoss: Yes but as your contract states –

JS: – Yes I know, ‘We own your soul’ –

PictureBoss: – Look, I’ll come clean. The money all gets invested into a pension fund…

JS: Oh, well, that’s good. Although I don’t have a pension

PictureBoss: No Jaded, not your pension fund

JS: Well whose then?

PictureBoss: MDBoss’ of course!